COCKED.

i am courtney. i use twitter. i live in budapest. i like jesus christ, funny european hats, and knitting creative sweaters for orphans in romania. i lied somewhere in this. oh, and i am single and like noodles.

this is my justified part to piss off some fucker in australia.

April 25

at tom's

I am in hell; however, I am wearing a very short black dress and playing with Klimt playing cards while Tom eats breakfast.

I need to get off the rod of the commonwealth. I hope you all get that. I also hope the double entendre of my tumblr name is not lost on you clever people.

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hello new followers, i hope you like swearing

I retire to an early bed because my liver needs a time-out and I come back to five pages of barbie doll sadism.

I fucking love Erin.

April 24
Oh. By the way. This is Hunter. You can tell he kisses like a whelk if you look at the girth of his grin. It’s wider than the crack where the good lord split Oprah.

Oh. By the way. This is Hunter. You can tell he kisses like a whelk if you look at the girth of his grin. It’s wider than the crack where the good lord split Oprah.

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Hunter (fucker) and Courtney (me) discuss Prague. Hilarity does not ensue in our dislike of capital letters.

  • Hunter: court whats the municipal house in prague?
  • Courtney: what do you mean what is it?
  • Hunter: oh wait i think i found it
  • Hunter: yeah nm
  • Hunter: got it
  • Courtney: it has the smetana in it (i am clearly thinking *moron* at this point. with asterisks.)
  • Hunter: yeah yeha
  • Courtney: national symphony orchestra
  • Courtney: AND I DON'T KNOW
  • Courtney: IT'S WHERE WE DECLARED INDEPENDENCE IN 1918
  • Courtney: YOU KNOW MOST IMPORTANT DAY IN CZECH HISTORY
  • Hunter: stop yelling crazy
  • Hunter: i hate czechs
  • Courtney: where did america declare independence, huh smartass?
  • Hunter: good thing czech independence lasted
  • Hunter: oh wait...
  • Hunter: it didnt
  • Conversation ends with Courtney throwing a ball of paper at Hunter. Very threatening, I know.
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americanmailorderbride: Classic. I always misbehave at weddings. I will be stealing this lovely specimen of a woman and keeping her as mine. Look out Australian man in pink, I will defenestrate you.

americanmailorderbride:

Classic. I always misbehave at weddings.

I will be stealing this lovely specimen of a woman and keeping her as mine. Look out Australian man in pink, I will defenestrate you.

April 23
Me, my cancer stick, and John. God, I love cancer. I think I have the black lung.

Me, my cancer stick, and John. God, I love cancer. I think I have the black lung.

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americanmailorderbride: cockpest: I missed seeing Shevchenko score twice, Kaka kick it off with a goal, and Seedorf and Viudez finished it with five against Hungary because of the fucker illustrated above. Tom is on my notice list. He actually really is. It’s crap having a broken heart. Does anyone know how to fix it? Tell me. Lots of booze and casual sex. Honest. I know these things. I’m old. Eventually you kill off the brain cells that remember the ex-object of your affection. He was supposed to be the casual sex! I am a mess. I think this further proves the fact I need to move to Melbourne and saddle up a kangaroo as my choice form of public transport.

americanmailorderbride:

cockpest:

I missed seeing Shevchenko score twice, Kaka kick it off with a goal, and Seedorf and Viudez finished it with five against Hungary because of the fucker illustrated above. Tom is on my notice list.

He actually really is. It’s crap having a broken heart. Does anyone know how to fix it? Tell me.

Lots of booze and casual sex. Honest. I know these things. I’m old. Eventually you kill off the brain cells that remember the ex-object of your affection.

He was supposed to be the casual sex! I am a mess. I think this further proves the fact I need to move to Melbourne and saddle up a kangaroo as my choice form of public transport.

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I missed seeing Shevchenko score twice, Kaka kick it off with a goal, and Seedorf and Viudez finished it with five against Hungary because of the fucker illustrated above. Tom is on my notice list. He actually really is. Friendships are difficult to maintain after you’ve performed shenanigans together in creepy attics of decreipt Hungarian buildings. Doesn’t change that it’s crap having a broken heart. Does anyone know how to fix it? Tell me.

I missed seeing Shevchenko score twice, Kaka kick it off with a goal, and Seedorf and Viudez finished it with five against Hungary because of the fucker illustrated above. Tom is on my notice list.

He actually really is. Friendships are difficult to maintain after you’ve performed shenanigans together in creepy attics of decreipt Hungarian buildings. Doesn’t change that it’s crap having a broken heart. Does anyone know how to fix it? Tell me.

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My tits are the second coming of Medusa.

  • J: I wonder how long I can look at your boobs for before I turn into stone?
  • J: OH!
  • J: get it?
  • J: I am unintentionally hilarious.
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This is why I cannot be trusted with a camera. Insert jokes are welcome via twitter.

This is why I cannot be trusted with a camera.

Insert jokes are welcome via twitter.